In the beginning, it was a lot of threesomes. What do people get wrong about you when they learn you’re in a triad?ĭefinitely that it’s all about the sex.
I can’t even date the people I’m already with. Do I have the energy to go out and look for more relationships? Absolutely not. I do fewer dishes because there are more people to spread it out. Do you have more energy than most people? Many traditional monogamy people assume that it takes a lot of extra effort to make a situation like yours work. in the house. Us having those kids is what did their complete 180°. His dad was like, “Do you want to be living with lesbians?” They’ve had a much harder time. moved up here, his parents didn’t know there was a triad. V.’s mom was like, “Hallelujah, there’s a man involved.” The girls have four sets of grandparents.Īll the parents were aligned with “Omigod, I’m dating a girl.” They had time to adjust to their notion of “I’m not getting what I pictured.”, they were like, “You’re already off the rails. It wasn’t until COVID we spent Christmas at home. We have family in southwest Virginia, and Minneapolis, Kentucky.
What are the holidays like for you with three parents? V and I will talk behind the scenes, and one of us will go to him. The flip side is forgetting who you told something to, which triggers me a little. She and I go with our intuitive gut feeling. and I are very similar, and we’re almost always on the same wavelength, and J. It’s so easy to feel like you’re ganging up on someone without trying to. Historically it was J., but now we alternate sleeping in the girls’ room because the girls are just shit sleepers.ĭo you have a system for checking in on each other to make sure everyone is feeling good and cared for? Since the kids have been born, nobody has. I’m used to the “Who sleeps in the middle?” question I told people I’d be speaking with you, and someone told me, “I just want to know who sleeps bitch.”
You know how nice it would have been if they were all in love with each other and lived in the same place?Īre there any perks to this arrangement when it comes to housework or childcare?Įvery single one of my friends with a family goes, “I need a wife.” V. The world is very used to multiple parents. and I are the biological parents of the girls. I feel like any other monogamous couple there’s just another person. You are out to everyone in your lives as a triad? I was like, “I’m fine with poly but I need boundaries and certainty.” J. We didn’t have a concept of poly fidelity. What do we do with that? None of us were familiar with the poly world. We realized the three of us get along really well. That was when the two of them had their first kiss. Flirting is fun and I miss flirting.” We came up here for New Year’s that year. She was like, “I want in on the flirting. I was thinking, “I’m finally going to get my first kiss with this boy 15 years after I wanted it.” But I wasn’t going to leave her. We were 22 when we got married, but we knew we were young and didn’t want to commit to never kissing another person in our lives. She and I were open above the waist at the time. Meanwhile, J., our male partner, got married after graduation.
By the end of junior year, we were in a relationship. All three of us grew up very conservative and religious. He came here to Chicago for college I went to a small Bible college in Tennessee. Major thanks to all three of them for graciously sharing with me.Ī Chicagoland mom of two kids, 3 and 6, in a committed triad with another woman and a cis man : These are edited/condensed versions of our conversations. Three generous witches agreed to speak with me about their “origin stories” as well as the challenges and benefits of their relationships. She and her husband were dipping a toe in the lifestyle and was curious to hear about other witches’ experiences raising kids outside the monogamous couple paradigm. A reader with what sounds like a fun presence on Feeld wrote me a few weeks ago:Ĭlaire! Would you ever do an issue on ethical nonmonogamy?
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